Why don’t we believe

Today I want to discuss the fact that so many of those that went before me with motherhood warned me, but why don’t we believe? At least I didn’t.  I feel like the older I get the more I tend to see ways people warned me or prepped me but somehow I felt like I would be different. Or there was an exception to the rule, anyone else? Like how many times did we hear “parenting is the hardest job you will ever do?” but for some reason it doesn’t make sense until you are in the thick of it. And the daily, little adds up to be the big, thick of it?

I shared yesterday my oldest had a root canal. It was as bad as I imagined, actually worse. I feel like the days leading up to it I was told by others how their child went in and was fine so I lowered my expectations and then was floored when it was worse. Let me explain, the procedure itself was fine, Nora did great. It was my momma heart that was leveled. I want to SHOUT from the rooftops “Take care of your newborns teeth” because we are only a little way into the thick of Nora’s issues and the bills.

Nora has enamel hypoplasia that affects baby teeth stemming from low birth weight, and the vicious cycle of her low birth weight solidified the issues. She was little so we fed her all hours of the night, not brushing after so the pre existing problem was multiplied by night time feedings just to pack weight on. She has 8 cavities total and yesterdays cavity turned root canal before they could fix the smaller issues. The dentist was amazing, I highly recommend Dr. Turner at All Smiles for Kids in Eldersburg.  We have been doing a slow relationship build once we found out Nora’s big issues. She was so upset the tooth turned bad before she got in. She said often when people are rescued from emergency situations all hell breaks loose as they are spotted. Something about seeing the end in sight and she swears teeth are the same way. True or not, it was a good visual to the issues. Nora did great but mid repair she threw up and that affects further treatment down the road so prayers for discernment in making these decisions. So let me explain the “why don’t be believe” title.

During her surgery, sitting there rubbing her little leg I got extremely emotional and I have high tolerance for these things. All I could think about was my dad who passed away March 2013. He ALWAYS took me to my dentist appointments and I had a lot of Nora’s issues. He was always the one rubbing my leg and holding me up with awful teeth stuff. I have this clear image, (well foggy from meds) of me stumbling out of getting my wisdom teeth done and him trying to hold my arm. I pulled away being the Miss Independent that I am and him saying “why can’t you just accept my help. One day you will have kids and you’ll understand how much we love and want to help.” Why didn’t I believe him? I wish I could call him up now and say “dad gosh its so hard, I am sorry I didn’t let you help me and I am sorry I didn’t believe you on how hard it is.” I wish so much to have those conversations with him about all the things I didn’t believe until I am walking through them now. I KNOW he sees, I just wish I could see him, seeing me parent.

Always wanting to learn and grow, I want to from this. I want to understand sometimes people just have to live through things to understand them better and that is ok. I want to give myself the grace to know parenting is just hard and as they get older, like everyone says, its just a different kind of hard. I WILL believe that! I also want to extend grace to those along side of me in this crazy season of getting a gripe on our kids as they slip into a new season we don’t understand all over again. To all those who lost parents to soon, man I feel you. From those who had amazing relationship and that gap is still so raw to those who didn’t say I love you and I think you’re the best dad enough, man do I hear you.

IMG_9551

Post Card he sent me that I got after he passed away! It was so crazy and awesome IMG_9440

Nora Pre surgeryIMG_9547

Flowers from our awesome neighbors IMG_9545

You can see in this pic her fat little lip after 😦

 

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